WHY I LIVE ALONE
Oddly (to me) messages I receive at least once a week include: ‘why don’t you live with your boyfriend?’ or, ‘why do you live alone?’
It’s funny isn’t it? How we’re so unafraid to say what we think to others on the internet. I often wonder if anyone would dare ask me that to my face. Perhaps they would. Maybe I’m a little over-sensitive these days.
But, in the current world we live in, I’ve found myself wondering – why is that the question on people’s lips?
We still have a long way to go, but old hat traditions are slowly being left behind. With that being said, I would’ve thought solo living wouldn’t be such a strange beast anymore.
So why does it feel confusing (to anyone) that I live alone?
As humans we are conditioned to believe that being alone makes us lonely. If we are in a couple we are complete. What a load of baloney that is.
Of course I am all for people (couples), being in love and celebrating that by living together – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But I don’t believe it needs to be the norm.
Just because I choose to live alone, doesn’t mean that I am unhappy in my relationship. It actually means quite the opposite.
SO WHY DO I LIVE ALONE?
I’ll spill the beans…
The year I met Jamie, was the year I had (previously) decided I would start saving to buy my first house.
I wasn’t planning on meeting anyone and had started to set the ball rolling for an independent future. I gave myself a two-year target and a few months into that I met him, subsequently we fell in love.
There was never a discussion had about us living together; because from day dot we both knew my intentions. I was saving for this house and it was something I knew I had to (and wanted to) do alone.
I worried for a lot of my early twenties that I’d never amount to anything. And when my first long-term relationship ended at 25 I was sure I’d end up living with my parents for the rest of my life.
I worked on myself throughout the next few years to beat down that horrid weight I dragged around with me. And a new man in my life wasn’t going to stop me from realising my potential.
Perhaps if I were mentally stronger, I wouldn’t have needed to do it alone. But seeking personal validation through this one chosen act was something I knew I needed. And whatever that meant to anyone else, didn’t matter to me.
I knew I’d met the right person, because Jamie never questioned it. He loved me and I loved him and that was enough. It still is.
Actually, I really hate it when people say love is enough, because lets be honest it bloody well isn’t. Life is way more complicated than that. What I mean to say is, he respected my decisions, and me his.
Because if this way of life makes us happy? Then we’ll have our cake and eat it too.
In a few years time, Jamie and I plan to buy a place together. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to keep my little cottage (in case he does my head in and I need an escape. Lol, just kidding.) – As an investment in my own future. Because being in love doesn’t have to mean giving up independence. Whatever that looks like to you.
Through living alone I have realised so much about myself. None of which would’ve been possible if this had played out any other way.
I will always be grateful that I stuck with my gut and had this period of time. To learn that whatever life throws at me, I am capable. That I have achieved what I set out to do and as cliche as it (definitely) sounds, the sky is the limit when it comes to believing in yourself.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY SHWETA SHUKLA