Hello from me and the longest month there’s ever been.
It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and written just for the sake of writing. In 2019 I moved house, added another corgi to the family, launched a new mental health brand, podcast and jewellery line; and it the midst of all that, the blog took a back seat.
But having 100,000 days in January has given me time and perspective – my blog is my favourite place. The ease of expressing yourself through words can so easily be taken for granted and I want to make sure I spend more time doing that.
So here I am. Just to have a chat and let you know you’ll be seeing more of me around these parts. I hope that’s okay.
FRIENDSHIPS FOR THE OVER-THINKERS.
I thought it might be nice to have a chat about friendships as we get older. In particular for the over-thinkers.
For me, thirty always seemed like forever away, until it was here. It wasn’t an age that I ever really feared but it didn’t ever feel like it would arrive?
Then twenty nine came. The year that I lost a couple of friends that were, for their time, incredibly close to me. It was a very sore period of my life, especially when you feel that as an adult, these friendships might be forever.
YOU AREN’T A BAD PERSON.
I’m not sure why it feels near on impossible to accept, but a friendship ending doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Or not worthy of love. For those of us that over think everything, the worry about people liking you can bring on a real anxiety. But if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it genuinely can be a reflection on them and not you. (I mean, sure, if you’ve made a total dick move, fine – but if that’s not the case? It doesn’t have to mean it’s your fault).
Navigating friendships can be so difficult, especially when it comes to girls/women. And if we’re being honest, girls can be mean – and it’s not always something we grow out of as we get older.
Losing friends can make making new ones or maintaining old ones difficult. I definitely had a period of time where I felt nervous to put myself out there. There was even a time where I was scared to stay in touch with my existing friends, for fear of them not liking me. Being hurt sucks and it takes time to build trust.
But I took time to let myself heal and even though naturally I can still be totally neurotic about pleasing others, something has shifted. I felt a very real change last year in worrying about this kind of stuff.
SOME THINGS I’VE REALISED ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS.
- What is important to you in friendship isn’t always important to others.
- Not all friendships need to be at a ‘best friends’ status to be real and lovely.
- It’s important to feel your time and effort is reciprocated.
- People pleasing will often leave you disappointed.
- Some of us find it difficult to work out what kind of friendship a new friendship might be. It’s okay to take your time to realise where a friendship ‘fits’.
- Giving lots of yourself isn’t a bad thing, just remember not everyone can do that.
- Worrying about putting yourself out there is normal. There’s probably more people than you think feeling the same way.
- People will like you for being you. Please don’t worry about that.
- Your best friends absolutely want the best for you.
- Having 100 friends or 1 doesn’t matter, you just need to be happy.
With all this said, I feel like I’ve gone in to my thirties with the people that are truly meant to be there. Is it silly to perhaps believe that those few people left in 2019 on the basis that I could go into the next stage of my life feeling comfortable about where I stand and what I bring to the table?
I mean, to some this might feel like a excerpt from ‘friendships for dummies’. When you break it down it’s all quite simple isn’t it? But for those of us that over-think, it’s not.
Friendships will change and shift over time, of course – but I’m learning (albeit slowly) that the ones that are worth it will become easier over time, not harder.
And any worries we have about making friends are natural. We are not all built to be social butterflies and that’s okay.
We’re only human, and we only have capacity to give so much. You do not need to give 200% to every person in your life.
And there will come a time where you feel comfortable with that.
Trust this neurotic Nancy over here 🙂
WHAT I’M WEARING:
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Photography by Ewa