Feeling comfortable in your own skin & body confidence.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here and there are countless reasons why – but one has been the absolute lack of desire to ‘pose’ for a photo. Body Confidence – it’s the one thing that has hit me the hardest since becoming (invisibly) unwell. I wake up each morning with a stomach so incredibly bloated, that none of my clothes fit me. My belly is constantly fighting for room and with my insane bowel movements; the rest of my body is losing weight.
Needless to say my proportions are a little out of whack.
Getting dressed is hardly inspiring when you know after 10 minutes you’re going to have to unzip your garments because otherwise you might actually explode.
I’d love to be able to exercise to help; not just with my body, but my mind too – unfortunately being poorly means I run on zero energy and any kind of activity leaves me exhausted and causes a relapse, making it pretty much counterproductive. Hooray!
It was a recent visit to Ibiza, where I referred to myself as a potato in a bikini that I realised something needed to change. The term Body Dysmorphia was thrown around a couple of times – I guess because what you see when you look in the mirror, or at a photograph, isn’t always what everyone else can see. But when your mood is low and your body is most definitely going through changes, everything else can spiral with it. And whilst our personal body issues are entirely subjective, they are completely valid.
Just because someone may have it better or worse, in your eyes, doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real.
I worked incredibly hard to love the skin I’m in, but it is totally natural for that mindset to take a hit.
So, I’m starting again.
I’m learning how to re-love my body for what it can be, not what it was.
I like my jeans high-waisted and I can’t stand them to be baggy – but I’m making the compromise to not force my belt that notch too far. And making sure I have an oversized t-shirt to hand for when I inevitably need to ‘release’.
The above is just the tip of the iceberg; but this is to say, we all have our body confidence hang-ups, the parts that don’t make us feel sexy. The parts that make us uncomfortable and perhaps sometimes even feel unlovable. It’s the self-realisation that every photo isn’t a representation of a lifetime of happiness, but just a moment. That in these photos, I am happy. I am feeling (somewhat) comfortable. And that my wardrobe (and my mind) will just have to adapt with my body and me moving forward.
Our bodies have limits – and as we get older they change. I think it’s just taken me a while to realise that I was subconsciously pretending that that change wasn’t happening.
I am perfect in my imperfections. And god knows I’m excited to re-jig my wardrobe to make room for those changes as a nearly-thirty-something woman.
What’s your journey of body confidence been like? I’d love to hear your stories, too.
You can read about my journey here.
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY SLAWEK JAROCKI